It surprises a lot of people to find out that I'm engaged already. I know that I'm really young to be getting married, which is why I'm not getting married right away. From the time I got engaged (and we set a tentative date) to the time we plan to get married is almost two and a half years. This really confuses people, and I think it has to do with babies.
Anytime I tell someone I'm engaged, I frequently get a "Are you getting married young because you want a big family?" type question. When I tell them no, I'm not planning on breeding (and I do use the word breeding,) it's too often followed up with the a "Why are you getting married?" type question. This kills me.
I think a big part of why people are shocked to find out I'm waiting so long to get married is because of this baby based assumption of wanting a big family. My fiancé's son will be almost 4 by the time we get married (and who knows how old he'll be once custody is figured out). People like to remind me that if I got married sooner, our kids would be closer in age to their brother. Even after I've told them I don't want kids.
This always leads to my favorite conversation of "But what will you do without kids?"
Alternatively, if I want to start my own business, take the trip of a lifetime, switch careers because I'm miserable, or retire young, I can do that too, and without any guilt.
Don't get me wrong, those people who want children should by all means have as many children as they can afford to raise! This isn't about me thinking all women should be sterilized or that parents are throwing their lives away when they have kids. That's not it at all. I know there are people who dream of having to children, and who live for them. They aren't wasting their lives by having kids, they're living out their dream! That's awesome. Everyone should live for their dreams.
My dream just doesn't involve children. It doesn't involve pregnancy weight, morning sickness, alcohol abstinence, poopy diapers, tantrums, or stepping on legos. That all sounds awful.
On the other hand, I also don't dream of those "magical" moments, like when my kid learns to walk, develops a personality, when I teach them how to do things from tying shoe laces to driving, seeing him or her graduate and start a life for themselves. I won't experience any of those great moments, and that's fine. They also all sounds awful, to be honest.
You know what I'm going to do instead of have kids? Have a house that is as clean or as dirty as I want it to be (with the exception of when John's son is over). I'm going to have a farm, and sell crafts, and file taxes, and work really hard but not know quite where my income is coming from for most of the year. I'm going to take a vacation as often as I can, anywhere I want. I'm going to work as long as I want to, but I'm going to retire as early as I want to and can afford it. I'm going to get married and I'm going to build a life with my wonderful husband (and his son).
Why should I need to have kids of my own to validate my life?
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